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| STAR BORED.
A STORY ABOUT A DUCK, A RABBIT AND THE GALAXY. YOU'LL LAUGH YOU'LL CRY YOU'LL KISS NINE BUCKS GOODBYE. COMING SOON TO A THEATER NEAR YOU THIS SUMMER, GET IN LINE NOW. A Tiny Toon fanfic story by John Calcano. Star Wars and any in all names are the Copyright ©
of LUCASFILM LTD. All rights reserved.
Revised Draft
A short time ago in a galaxy just around the corner… A vast sea of stars serves as the backdrop for the main
title.
STAR BORED Episode IV
A NEW JOKE
It is a period of spoof, satires and parodys. A small groups of idiot Rebels have won their first victory against the evil Galactic Empire (a.k.a. Time Warner). During the battle, the idiots had managed to steal secret plans to the Hurt Star, two CD players, a naked picture of Ernest Borgnine, a book of "How Not to Steal Things", two cups of water a half cup of milk and a box of Rice-A-Roni. Pursued by the Empire's sinister agents the IRS, Princess
Babs hops aboard her starship Titanic and races home to catch the last
episode of Friends and try to save her people and restore freedom to the
galaxy...
The awesome yellow planet of Sandbox emerges from a
EXTERIOR: IMPERIAL CHEESEDESTROYER. Imperial Captain: Incredible! Our ship goes faster then
the speed of light, and our guns fire almost as fast as the speed of light!
Rebel Troop: How high up into space would you say this
goes?
Duck Trooper: (Knock-Knock) Pizza Delivering.
INTERIOR: REBEL BLOCKADE RUNNER. Suddenly a tremendous blast opens up a hole in the
Duck Trooper One: Hey, clue me in… How do we tell the
Good Guys form the Bad Guys around here, anyway?!
INTERIOR: REBEL BLOCKADE RUNNER MAIN PASSAGEWAY. An explosion rock the ship as two robots, Bar-Stool-Me-Too
Creep-P-O: Oh man! All this shooting and killing! Tell
me Bar-Stool Me-Too..have we accidentally stumbled into New York City in
the year 1977? Oh-oh… here comes our cute and cuddly heroine, Princess
Babs Ohcomeon fleeing for her life from Imperial soldiers! Just like in
the old Flash Gordon movies!
Several furry Rebel troops break
Duck Vader: Let me see now, bunch of dead bodies on the ground, lots and lots of smoke in the air....Hmmm...Maybe I do need a bath! Princess Babs: Listen, if you guys pass a mailbox, would
you mind dropping this in for me? It's the top secret plans! Whatever you
do…don't let Lord Duck Vader get his hands on them!
INT. REBEL BLOCKADE RUNNER - SUBHALLWAY. The lovely young pink bunny huddles in a small alcove as the duck-troopers search through the ship. The fear in her eyes slowly gives way to anger as the muted crushing sounds of the approaching duck-troopers grow louder. One of the troopers spots her. Duck-Trooper One: Hey there's one of the Rebel now let
get her!
Babs steps from her hiding place and blasts a trooper with her super solker pistol. She starts to run but then one of the trooper's blaster shot one bullet at her then stopped right next to her in mid-air and then it open up and pulled out a huge hammer hitting her on the head knocking her out cold. The troopers inspect her inert body. Duck-Trooper: She'll be okay. Inform Lord Vader we have a prisoner. INT: REBEL BLOCKADE RUNNER -- SUBHALLWAY. Bar-Stool stops before the small hatch of an emergency
lifepod. He
Creep-P-O: We got away, Bar-Stool! So far, so good! The
Princess depends us! Our mission must not fail!
INT: IMPERIAL STARDESTROYER. On the main viewscreen, the lifepod carrying the two terrified robots speeds away from the stricken Rebel spacecraft. INT: REBEL BLOCKADE RUNNER -- HALLWAY Princess Babs is led down a low-ceilinged hallway by a
squad armored duck-troopers. Her hands are bound and she is brutally shoved
when she is unable to keep up with the briskly marching troops. They stop
in a smoky hallway as Duck Vader emerges from the shadows. The sinister
Dark Lord stares hard at the frail young senator, but she doesn't move.
Duck Vader: Well Princess! At last I have you alone!
EXT: SPACE. The Imperial Cheesedestroyer comes over the surface of the planet Sandbox. EXT: SANDBOX -- DESERT. Jundland, or "No Man's Land", where the rugged desert mesas meet the foreboding dune sea. The two helpless astro-droids kick up clouds of sand as they leave the lifepod and clumsily work their way across the desert wasteland. The lifepod in the distance rests half buried in the sand. Creep-P-O: This is another fine mess you've gotten us
into, Bar-Stool! Do you know how HOT it gets inside this robot-suit in
the desert?
The unsuspecting robots walking along the rugged trail
until suddenly, out of nowhere, from the rocks scurry Jawas coming at them.
EXT: SANDBOX -- DESERT -- DAY. Four Imperial duck-troopers mill about in front of the half-buried lifepod that brought Bar-Stool and Creep-P-O to Sandbox. A trooper yells to an officer some distance away. As the troopers checking out the lifepod three or more duck-troopers in the background running to a beach. Duck Trooper One: Hey, this escape-pod was used by mechanical
robot droids!
EXT: SANDBOX -- DUNES. The Sandcrawler moves slowly down a great sand dune. EXT: SANDBOX -- DESERT -- LARS HOMESTEAD -- AFTERNOON. The Jawas mutter gibberish as they busily line up their
battered captives, including Bar-Stool and Creep-P-O, in front of the enormous
Sandcrawler, which is parked beside a small homestead consisting of three
large holes in the ground
Plucky: There are the two new droids I bought to work
on our moisture farm, Uncle Ben! Maybe they can tell us how to grow moisture…
We've been trying for years! And I know they'll do there beast… or my name
ain't Plucky Skystalker hero of this movie, chief cook and fun-loving garbage
collector…
INT: LARS HOMESTEAD -- GARAGE AREA -- LATE AFTERNOON. The garage is cluttered and worn, but a friendly peaceful atmosphere permeates the low gray chamber. Creep-P-O lowers himself into a large tub filled with warm oil. Near the battered Landspeeder little Bar-Stool rests on a large battery with a cord to his face. Plucky: Oh how I with I could get off this planet, Creep-P-O.
It's so dull here.
The fragment breaks loose with a snap, sending Plucky tumbling head over heels. He sits up and sees a twelve-inch three-dimensional hologram of Babs Ohcomeon, the Rebel senator, being projected from the face of little Bar-Stool. The image is a rainbow of colors as it flickers and jiggles in the dimly lit garage. Plucky's mouth hangs open in awe. Plucky: Creep-P-O---look! What is it?
A women's voice calls out from another room. Aunt Puperu: Plucky! Come to dinner! INT: LARS HOMESTEAD -- DINING AREA. Plucky's Aunt Puperu, a warm, motherly woman, fills a
pitcher
Plucky: You know, something that R2 unit we got may have been stolen. Own: What makes you think that? Plucky: Well, they says there belong to someone called Oldie Von Moldie. Own is greatly alarmed at the mention the name, but manages to control himself. Plucky: Maybe there are talking about old Aunt Slappy what do you think? Own breaks loose with a fit of uncontrolled anger. Own: That old squirrel's just a crazy old comedian. Tomorrow
I want you to
Own's face becomes a scowl, although he tries to suppress it. Own: Your not thinking of going before harvest?
Plucky continues to toy with his food, not looking at his uncle. Own: You must understand I need you here, Plucky. Plucky pushes his half-eaten plate of food aside and stands. Plucky: Yeah, that's what you said last year when Beg
and Fifi left.
Resigned to his fate, Plucky paddles out of the room. Own mechanically finishes his dinner. Aunt Puperu: Own, he can't stay here forever. And you
know that.
EXTERIOR: TATOOINE -- LARS HOMESTEAD. The giant twin suns of Sandbox slowly disappear behind
a
INTERIOR: LARS HOMESTEAD -- GARAGE. Plucky enters the garage to discover the robots nowhere
in
Creep-P-O: Hey watch it with that!
Plucky races out of the garage followed by Creep-P-O. EXTERIOR: SANDBOX -- LARS HOMESTEAD. Plucky rushes out of the small doomed entry to the homestead
and
Creep-P-O: Sorry that Bar-Stool have gone away.
INTERIOR: LARS HOMESTEAD -- PLAZA. Morning slowly creeps into the sparse but sparkling oasis
of
Own: Plucky? Plucky? Plucky? Where could he be loafing now! INTERIOR: LARS HOMESTEAD -- KITCHEN. The interior of the kitchen is a worm glow as Aunt Pupreu
prepares
Own: Have you seen Plucky this morning?
EXTERIOR: SANDBOX -- DESERT WASTELAND -- PLUCKY'S SPEEDER ---DAY. The rock and sand of the desert floor are a blur as Creep-P-O pilots the sleek Landspeeder gracefully across the vast wasteland. INTERIOR/EXTERIOR: PLUCKY'S SPEEDER -- DESERT WASTELAND -- TRAVELING -- DAY. Plucky leans over the back of the speeder and adjusts
something
Creep-P-O: This is quite a nice speedester, hey we found
Bar-Stool but… gad! What's that?!
Plucky watches the distant Tusken Raider through his electrobinoculars. Suddenly something huge moves in front of his field of view. Before Plucky or Creep-P-O can react, a large, gruesome Tusken Raider looms over them. Creep-P-O is startled and backs away, right off the side if the cliff. He can be heard for several moments as he clangs, bangs and rattles down the side of the mountain. The towering creature brings down his curved, double-pointed gaderffii -- the dreaded axe blade that has struck terror in the heart of the local settlers. But Plucky manages to block the blow with his laser rifle, which is smashed to pieces. The terrified farm boy scrambles backward until he is forced to the edge of a deep crevice. The sinister Raider stands over him with his weapon raised and lets out a horrible shrieking laugh. Plucky: Oh-Oh! Following that little clinker into the desert here has gotten us face-to-face with one of the dreaded sand in there feet people! Now he's gonna grind me up into sand myself! And me… a guy who's hated the beach all my life! until a shabby old desert-rat-of-a-woman appears as scare off the Sand-In-Your-Feet people. Aunt Slappy: Fear not, my futuristic friend… I will save you with my special power… Go away… Sandy person… or, in your own weird language… AMSCRAY! YEECH FEH! POO POO GAVALT! Special power being my incredible B.O… body odor works every time! Then Oldie leans over Plucky squints his eyes as he scrutinizes the unconscious farm boy. Aunt Slappy: I'm Oldie-Aunt Slappy! I drove off the Sand
in there feet People when they attacked you, then bandaged your wounds!
I'm an old warrior who's rather clever…!
INTERIOR: SLAPPY'S DWELLING. The small, spartan hovel is cluttered with desert junk but still manages to radiate an air of time-worn comfort and security. Plucky is in one corner repairing Creep-P-O's arm, as old Slappy sits thinking. Creep-P-O: So you're Oldie-Aunt Slappy! Wow! I heard about
you! But you're old now… you should be collecting Intergalactic Social
Security! How can you help us?
EXTERIOR: SPACE. An Imperial Cheesedestroyer heads toward the evil planet-like
INTERIOR: HURT STAR -- CONFERENCE ROOM. Eight Imperial senators and generals sit around a black
Com Roderick: Until Hurt Star is fully operational we are vulnerable. The Rebels to smart. They're morecrazyer than you realize. The bitter Admiral Danforth twists nervously in his chair. Adr Danforth: Dangerous to your starfleet, Commander,
not to this battle station!
Suddenly all heads turn as Commander Roderick's speech
is cut short and the Grand Muffin Tarplin, governor of the Imperial outland
regions, enters. He is followed by his powerful ally, The Sith Lord, Duck
Vader. All of the generals stand and bow before the thin, evil-looking
governor as he takes his place
Tarplin: The Imperial Senate will no longer be of any
concern to us. I've just received word that the Emperor has dissolved the
council permanently. The last remnants of the Old Republic have been swept
away.
Duck Vader: The plans you refer to will soon be back in our hands. Adr Danforth: Any attack made by the Rebels against this
station would be a useless gesture, no matter what technical data they've
obtained. This station is now the ultimate power in the universe. I suggest
we use it!
Suddenly Vader takes out a huge feather and jump on top of Adr Danforth. Duck Vader: Ticlkel! Ticlkel! Ticlkel!
EXTERIOR: SANDBOX -- WASTELAND. The speeder stops before what remains of the huge Jawas
Plucky: It looks like Sand-In-There-Feet people did this, all right. Just look, here are Gaffi sticks, Bantha tracks. They left a sine saying “Sand-In-There-Feet people was here”. It's just...I never heard of them hitting anything this big before. Slappy walk up to Plucky wereing an umbrella-hat and drinking ice tea. Aunt Slappy: They didn't. But we are meant to think they
did for two reson, one the duck-troopers came here to look for the droids
and they did this to make us think the Sand-In-There-Feet people did it…
Plucky reaches a sudden horrible realization, then races for the speeder and jumps it. EXT: SANDBOX -- WASTELAND. Plucky races across the wasteland in his battered Landspeeder. EXT: SANDBOX -- LARS HOMESTEAD. The speeder roars up to the burning homestead. Plucky jumps out and runs to the smoking holes that were once his home. Debris is scattered everywhere and it looks as if a great battle has taken place. Plucky: Uncle Own! Aunt Parpure! Uncle Own! Plucky stumbles around in a daze looking for his aunt and uncle. Suddenly he comes upon their smoldering remains. He is stunned, and cannot speak. Hate replaces fear and a new resolve comes over him. Plucky: Oh no… the Empire has turned Uncle Own and Aunt Parpure into “Shake’n’Bake”! EXT: SPACE. Imperial TIME fighter races toward the Hurt Star. INTERIOR: HURT STAR -- DETENTION CORRIDOR. Two duck-troopers open an electronic cell door and allow several Imperial guards to enter. Princess Babs's face is filled with defiance, which slowly gives way to fear as a giant black torture robot enters, followed by Duck Vader. Duck Vader: And, now Your Highness, we will discuss the location of your hidden Rebel base. The torture robot gives off a steady beeping sound as it approaches Princess Babs and open up a TV screen and showing Richard Simmons. The door slides shut and the long cell block hallway appears peaceful. The muffled screams of the Rebel princess are barely heard. EXTERIOR: SANDBOX -- WASTELAND. There is a large bonfire of Jawa bodies blazing in front
of the Sandcrawler as Slappy and the robots finish burning the dead. Plucky
drives up in the speeder and Slappy walks over to him.
The Landspeeder with Plucky, Bar-Stool, Creep-P-O, and
Slappy in it zooms across the desert. The speeder stops on a bluff overlooking
the spaceport at Mud Easily. It is a haphazard array of low, grey, concrete
structures and semi-domes. A harsh gale blows across the stark canyon floor.
Plucky adjusts
Aunt Slappy: Mud Easily Spaceport. You will never find
a more wretched hive of
Slappy looks over at Plucky, who gives the old Wacky a determined smile. EXTERIOR: SANDBOX -- MUD EASLY -- STREET. Aunt Slappy: Well, here we are in town… looking for a
dishonest, yet nobel pilot to fly us off this planet, deliver the tapes
to the rebel forces and save the beautiful Princess! Where should we look
first?
The speeder is stopped on a crowded street by several combat-hardened duck-troopers who look over the two robots. A Trooper questions Plucky. Duck-Trooper: Hold it! Let me see your I.D.!
INT: SNADBOX -- MUD EASLY -- CANTINA. The young adventurer and his two mechanical servants follow
Aunt Slappy into the smoke-filled cantina. The murky, moldy den is filled
with a startling array of weird and exotic alien creatures and monsters
at the long metallic bar. At first the
Aunt Slappy: I'm told that we can find a pilot to fly
us to Balderon in it's interplanetary bar.
Plucky is terrified but tries not to show it. He quietly sips his drink, looking over the crowd for a more sympathetic ear or whatever. Plucky then spilled his drink to one of large, and very angry creature then the creature gives Plucky a rough shove. Earthworm Jim: All No You Didn't!?
With astounding agility old squirrel 's laser sword sparks to life and takes shape of a huge hammer humming over both Earthworm Jim and Freakazoid. Tom Hank: Houston we have a problem! Strange creatures play exotic big band music on odd-looking
instruments as Plucky, still giddy, downs a fresh drink and follows Slappy
and Chewbacon to a booth where Buster Yo-yo is sitting. Buster is a tough,
roguish starpilot rabbit. A mercenary on a starship, he is simple, sentimental,
and cocksure.
Buster: Hi I'm Buster Yo-yo… handsome, but slightly dishonest,
space pilot! I understand you guys are looking for a fast space ship to
charter! And talk fast…I'm double-parked!
As Buster is about to leave, Greed-Poo, a slimy green-faced alien with a short trunk-nose, pokes a gun in his side. The creature speaks in a foreign tongue translated into English subtitles. Greed-Poo: Going somewhere, Yo-yo?
Buster sits down and the alien sits across from him holding the lever. Greed-Poo: It's too late. You should have paid him when
you had the
Greed-Poo: Blobba's through with you. He has no
time for smugglers who
Buster Yo-yo slowly reaches for the lever under the table. Greed-Poo: You can tell that to Blobba. He may only take
your ship.
Buster pulled on the lever and suddenly the slimy alien disappears under a very huge safe dropped by Buster Yo-yo. Buster gets up and starts out of the cantina, flipping the bartender some coins as he leaves. Buster: Sorry about the mess. As Buster walks out the safe’s door opens and two Warner Bros. and a Warner Sister are running away. EXT: DOCKING PORT ENTRY -- ALLEYWAY. Chewbacon waits restlessly at the entrance to Docking Bay 94. Slappy, Plucky, and the robots make their way up the street. Chewbacon jabbers excitedly and signals for them to hurry. The darkly clad creature has followed them from the speeder lot. He stops in a nearby doorway and speaks into a small transmitter. INT: MUD EASLY SPACEPORT -- DOCKING BAY 94 Chewbacon leads the group into a giant dirt pit that is Docking Bay 94. Resting in the middle of the huge hole is a large, round, beat-up, pieced-together hunk of junk that could only loosely be called a starship. Buster: Well here it is folks The Magnet Falcon! I can
let you have this baby on our Seven Day Special! No daily charges, we supply
the fuel, and you can drop it off at any planet! Let's see…at 15 cent a
mile…for your trip…it will cost you…TOPS…600 million bucks!
EXT: SANDBOX -- MUD EASLY -- STREET. Eight Imperial duck-troopers rush up to the darkly clad creature. Duck-Trooper: Which way? The darkly clad creature points to the door of the docking bay. Duck-Trooper: All right, ducks. Load your weapons! INTERIOR: MUD EASLY SPACEPORT -- DOCKING BAY 94. The troops hold their guns at the ready and charge down the docking bay entrance. Duck-Trooper: There they are, Shot them!
The half-dozen duck-troopers at a check point hear the general alarm and look to the sky as the huge starship rises above the dingy slum dwellings and quickly disappears into the morning sky. INT: MAGNET FALCON -- COCKPIT. Buster and the rest climbs into the pilot's chair next to Chewable, who hatters away as he points to something on the radar scope. EXT: SPACE -- PLANET SANDBOX. The Croatian pirateship zooms from Sandbox into space. INT: MAGNET FALCON -- COCKPIT. Buster frantically types information into the ship's computer. Little Bar-Stool appears momentarily at the cockpit doorway. Buster: Here we go, folks! Fasten your seatbelts and no
smoking, please! The stewardess will serve you drinks in a minute! Thanks
you for flying Air Buster!
EXT: SPACE -- PLANET SANDBOX. Imperial cruisers fire at the pirateship. INT: MAGNET FALCON -- COCKPIT. The ship shudders as an explosion flashes outside the window. Plucky: Are you sure this thing is fast enough to outrun
Imperial space-fighters, Buster!
The ship begins to rock violently as lasers hit it. Buster: We're no match for those Imperial Time Fighters!
I'm going to kick this baby into hyperspace!
EXT: SPACE. The galaxy brightens and they move faster, almost as if crashing a barrier. Stars become streaks as the pirateship makes the jump to hyperspace. The Magnet Falcon zooms into infinity in less than a second. INT: MAGNET FALCON -- COCKPIT. On the back of the cockpit lies Plucky, Buster, Chewbacon and Slappy flatten on the wall as the ship goes faster then lightspeed. Buster: Almost. EXT: HURT STAR. A planet looms behind the Hurt Star battlestation. INT: HURT STAR -- CONTROL ROOM. Duck Vader and two duck-troopers enter with Princess Babs. Grand Tarplin: Ah Princess Babs so wonderful you meet
you here.
INT: HURT STAR -- BLAST CHAMBER. Duck Vader: Commence primary ignition. A button is pressed which switches on a panel of lights.
A hooded Imperial soldier reaches overhead and pulls a lever. Another lever
is pulled. Vader reaches for still another lever and a bank of lights on
a panel and wall light up. A huge beam of light emanates from within a
cone-shaped area and converges
INT: MAGNET FALCON -- CENTRAL HOLD AREA. Slappy watches Plucky practice the lightsaber with a small "seeker" robot. Slappy suddenly turns away and sits down. She falters, seems almost faint. Plucky: Hey what's wrong?
INT: MAGNET FALCON -- HURT STAR. As the battered pirate starship is towed closer to the awesome metal moon, the immense size of the massive battle station becomes staggering. Running along the equator of the gigantic sphere is a mile-high band of huge docking ports into which the helpless pirateship is dragged. EXT: HURT STAR -- HUGE PORT DOORS. The helpless Magnet Falcon is pulled past a docking port control room and huge laser turret cannons. INT: HURT STAR -- DOCKING BAY 2037. The pirateship is pulled in through port doors of the Hurt Star, coming to rest in a huge hangar. Thirty duck-troopers stand at attention in a central assembly area. Duck-Trooper: Okay men, start looking!
One by one the gang walks toure the front gate of the station. First Buster walks with his small blaster gun, then Chewbacon walks by with his own bigger blaster gun, then came Aunt Slappy with her even bigger blaster it’s three time her sides and on it reads “BFG 9000” on it. But the Ralph makes no attempt to stop any of them but then Plucky walks pass him with no gun of any kind on him and that when Ralph start’s to see something unusual and then he grabs Plucky. Plucky: Oh great! Not a other, Ralph in front of the gate
seen again! WHY ME?!
As Ralph grab Plucky by the neck then head then press a button and a very large “John” come up from the floor and then Ralph lets go of Plucky and falls in and Ralph flush the “John” seeing Plucky going down into the bottom. Ralph: Ducky goes down the hole. Mean time Ralph was eating some high sugared donuts a beam of light came down in front of him. There he see Plucky as William Shatner from Star Trek. Plucky: Fear not friend, my not so little friend. I (Long
Pause) came here to seek out strange and unusual aliens so that I can use
them for my upcoming film “Star Trash The Search For Even More Money” And
even it would have take me here to the end of time I (Long Pause) will
get my job done! Now step aside mister so I may pass and begin my quest.
As Ralph point Plucky to the aliens they are none other then The Borgs. As Plucky look of fear in his face his tupa is turned out to be a Tribble and start’s to run away. As Plucky tried to run away The Borgs grabs him. Later Plucky came out as a smaller virgin on the Robot from Lost In Space. Then later a small mouse droid is passing by Ralph then it went to the control room with rest of the gang as it opening the it’s top Plucky is coming out it in pain. Plucky: Well that’s takes care of that…
Buster: Okay here’s the Princess Cell and what this a
door sine, it reads “Please Knock And Enter” Oh okay I will…
INT. HURT STAR - CELL ROW.
Plucky: Your Highness, I’m Plucky Skystalker! I’m
majoring in “Incredible Space heroics” at Buffooin Tech! As my Term Project,
I decided to organize an army, find a convenient space ship, rescue you,
fight over hundreds of evil duck-troopers and fly you six billion miles
to safety on the Planet, Draidel!
By this time Plucky is on the floor and Babs walks up to where Buster is with a big smile and Buster is still has his hand up and knocking in the air. Princess Babs: And what is your reason for doing this?
INT. HURT STAR - DETENTION CORRIDOR. Plucky and Babs crouch together in an alcove for protection as they continue to exchange fire with troops. Buster and Chewbacon are barely able to keep the duck-troopers at bay at the far and of the hallway. The laserfire is very intense, and smoke fills the narrow cell corridor. Princess Babs: O.K. Mr. I wont to be Buck Roger, how do
we escape?
Babs grab the blaster gun from Plucky and shot out a hole on the wall then all four jumped in to the garbage chute. Princess Babs: Er… next time I say “Follow me” just tell
me to Shut Up!
Just then a slimmy moster comes up from the water and grab Plucky and trying to pull him down. Princess Babs: What kind of a slimy, creepy, horrorbil,
moster can pull him down to the lowise lever?
As the moster lets go of Plucky the wells begins to move. Plucky: What’s happening? Why is the walls are close in?!
INT. HURT STAR - TRACTOR BEAM - POWER GENERATOR TRENCH. Aunt Slappy enters a humming service trench that powers the huge tractor beam. The trench seems to be a hundred miles deep. The clacking sound of huge switching devices can be heard. The old Wacky Night edges her way along a narrow ledge leading to a generator that is nothing more then a very large Duracell Battery connects two large cables. She carefully makes several adjustments in the computer terminal, and several images from old TV shows to cartoon ad. Aunt Slappy: I was wondering what these creeps are using. INT. HURT STAR - UNUSED HALLWAY. The group exits the garbage room into a dusty, unused hallway. Buster and Plucky remove the Trooper suits and strap on the blaster belts. Plucky: We’re safe! Now everyone back to the ship!
Chewbacon runs away from the group and yelling like a baby as Buster looking at him in shame. Buster: A true hero! INT. HURT STAR - POWER TRENCH. Suddenly a door behind Slappy slides open and a detachment of duck-troopers marches to the power trench. Aunt Slappy instantly slips into the shadows as an Officer moves to within a few feet of her. All but two of the duck-troopers leave. Duck-Trooper One: Do you know what's going on?
Aunt Slappy moves around the tractor beam, watching the duck-troopers as they turn their backs to her. Aunt Slappy gestures with her hand toward them, as the troops think they are seeing a huge Pin-Up poster of Minerva Mink in her bikini floating in mid air. With the help of the Joke, Slappy deftly slips past the troopers they are chasing the poster, she walk into the main hallway. Duck-Trooper One: It’s my!
INT. HURT STAR - HALLWAY. Plucky, Buster, Chewbacon, and Babs run down an empty hallway and stop before a bay window overlooking the pirateship. Troopers are milling about the ship. Plucky takes out his pocket comlink. Buster: (Looking at his ship) There she is.
Buster is watching the dozen or so duck-troops moving in and out of the pirateship. Babs moves towards Buster, touches his arm and points out the window to the ship. Princess Babs: You came in that garbage? You're much braver
than I thought.
Buster gives Babs a dirty look, and they start off down the hallway. They round a corner and run right into twenty Imperial duck-troopers heading toward them. Both groups are taken by surprise and stop in their tracks. Duck-Trooper: It's them! Get them! Before even thinking, Buster draws his laser pistol and charges the troops, firing. His blaster knocks one of the duck-troopers into the air. Dizzy follows his captain down the corridor, stepping over the fallen Trooper on the floor. Buster: (To Plucky and Babs) Get back to my garbage looking
ship!
Buster has already rounded a corner and does not hear. Princess Babs: He certainly has hair on his chest. Then again he’s a rabbit he has hair all over his body! Plucky is furious but doesn't have time to think about it for muted alarms begin to go off down on the hangar deck. Plucky and Babs start off toward the starship hangar. INT. HURT STAR - SUBHALLWAY. Buster chases the duck-troopers down a long subhallway. He is yelling and brandishing his laser pistol. The troops reach a dead end and are forced to turn and fight. Buster stops a few feet from them and assumes a defensive position. The troops begin to raise their laser guns. Soon all duck-troopers are moving into an attack position in front of the lone starpirate. Buster's determined look begins to fade as the troops begin to advance. Buster jumps backward as they fire at him. INT. HURT STAR - SUBHALLWAY. Chewbacon runs down the subhallway in a last-ditch attempt to save his bold captain. Suddenly he hears the firing of laser guns and yelling. Around the corner shoots Buster, pirate extraordinaire, running for his life, followed by a host of furious duck-troopers. Chewbacon turns and starts running the other way also. INT. HURT STAR - SUBHALLWAY. Plucky fires his laser pistol wildly as he and Babs rush down a narrow subhallway, chased by several duck-troopers. They quickly reach the end of the subhallway and race through an open hatchway. INT. HURT STAR - CENTRAL CORE SHAFT. Pluck and Babs race through the hatch onto a narrow bridge that spans a huge, deep shaft that seems to go into infinity. The bridge has been retracted into the wall of the shaft, and Plucky almost rushes into the abyss. He loses his balance off the end of the bridge as Babs, behind him, takes hold of his arm and pulls him back. Plucky: (gasping) I think we took a wrong turn.
Blasts from the duck-troopers' laser guns explode nearby reminding them of the oncoming danger. Plucky fires back at the advancing troops. Babs reaches over and hits a switch that pops the hatch door shut with a resounding boom, leaving them precariously perched on a short piece of bridge overhang. Laserfire from the troopers continues to hit the steel door. Plucky: It’s a good thing I had this package of dental
floss on me.
As Plucky and Babs swing, in the background a man in loin cloth swing as well. Ape Man: Ungawah! Somebody steal old “Tarzan” act! Copycat!! INT. HURT STAR - HALLWAY LEADING TO MAIN FORWARD BAY. Slappy hurries along one of the tunnels leading to the hangar where the pirateship waits. Just before she reaches the hangar, Duck Vader steps into view at the end of the tunnel, not ten feet away. Vader lights his saber. Slappy also ignites her and steps slowly forward. But then the film stop and in the bottom right corner of the screen are the three Animaniacs Yakoo, Wakoo and Dot. Yakoo: Boy this movie is getting more and more exceeding
by the min but before we go any farther do you ever wonder how they do
this dose get F-X seen to work?
As the three go back into the corner of the screen, Slappy stands still as the same time a figure runs up to her with a lighted saber and then switch the saber from the unlighted one to a lighted one. Aunt Slappy: So, Lord “In the Dark Ele-Vader”… my former pupil… I should have known that you are evil in heart when your check bounce! Prepare your Light Ray Sword for a duel to the death! I shall triumph because I have The Joke! Aunt Slappy: Get ready to die, you black-hearted villain!
What the? Good lord! My light ray has gone out!
As Vader is puzzled at Slappy's disappearance and pokes at the empty cloak. As the guards are distracted, the adventurers and the robots reach the starship. Plucky sees Slappy cut in two and starts for him. Aghast, he yells out. Plucky: No! The duck-troopers turn toward Plucky and begin firing at him. The robots are already moving up the ramp into the M Falcon, while Plucky, transfixed by anger and awe, returns their fire. Buster joins in the laserfire. Vader looks up and advances toward them, as one of his troopers is struck down. Buster: (to Plucky) Come on Plucky!
Plucky fires his pistol at the door control panel, and it explodes. The door begins to slide shut. Three troopers charge forward firing laser bolts, as the door slides to a close behind them, shutting Vader and the other troops out of the docking bay. A duck-trooper lies dead at the feet of his onrushing compatriots. Plucky starts for the advancing troops, as Buster and Babs move up the ramp into the pirateship. He fires, hitting a duck-trooper, who crumbles to the floor. Slappy's Voice: Run, Plucky! Run! And when you run off go and pick me up some Butter Milk well you. Plucky looks around to see where the voice came from.
He turns toward the pirateship, ducking Imperial gunfire from the troopers
and races into the ship.
INT. MAGNET FALCON - COCKPIT. Buster pulls back on the controls and the ship begins to move. The dull thud of laser bolts bouncing off the outside of the ship as Dizzy adjusts his controls. Buster: I hope the old squirrel got that tractor beam out of commission, or this is going to be a real short trip. Okay, hit it! Chewbacon growls in agreement. EXT. MAGNET FALCON. The M Falcon powers away from the Hurt Star docking bay, makes a spectacular turn and disappears into the vastness of space. INT. MAGNET FALCON - CENTRAL HOLD AREA. Plucky, saddened by the loss of Oldie Aunt Slappy, stares off blankly as the robots look on. Babs puts a blanket around him protectively, and Plucky turns and looks up at her. She sits down beside him. INT. MAGNET FALCON - COCKPIT. Buster spots approaching enemy ships. Buster: (to Dizzy) Great , here’s come ships. Hold 'em off Chewbacon! Angle the deflector shields while I charge up the main guns! INT. MAGNET FALCON - CENTRAL HOLD AREA. Plucky looks downward sadly, shaking his head back and forth, as the princess smiles comfortingly at him. Plucky: I can't believe it happen why did it happen.
Buster rushes into the hold area where Plucky is sitting with the Princess. Buster: (to Plucky) Come on, buddy, it’s not over yet! INT. MAGNET FALCON - GUNPORTS - COCKPIT. Buster climbs into his attack position in the topside gunport. INT. MAGNET FALCON - HOLD AREA. Plucky gets up and moves out toward the gunports as Babs heads for the cockpit. INT. MAGNET FALCON - GUNPORTS - COCKPIT. Plucky climbs down the ladder into the gunport cockpit, settling into one of the two main laser cannons mounted in large rotating turrets on either side of the ship. INT. MAGNET FALCON - BUSTER'S GUNPORT. Buster adjusts his headset as he sits before the controls of his laser cannon, then speaks into the attached microphone. Buster: (to Plucky) You in, Duck? Okay, keep your eye
out and don’t worry Plucky just think of it as a video game!
INT. MAGNET FALCON - GUNPORTS - COCKPIT. Chewbacon and Princess Babs search the heavens for attacking TIME fighters. Dizzy pulls back on the speed controls as the ship bounces slightly. INT. MAGNET FALCON - BUSTER'S GUNPORT - COCKPIT. Computer graphic readouts form on Buster's target screen, as Buster reaches for the controls. INT. MAGNET FALCON – PLUCKY’S GUNPORT - COCKPIT. Plucky sits in readiness for the attack, his hand on the laser cannon's control button. INT. MAGNET FALCON - COCKPIT. Chewbacon spots the enemy ships and barks. Princess Babs: (into intercom) Okay boys it’s PUN “Time”! INT. MAGNET FALCON - COCKPIT - POV (POINT OF VIEW) - SPACE. The Imperial TIME fighters move towards the Magnet Falcon, one each veering off to the left and right of the pirateship. INT. TIME FIGHTER - COCKPIT. The stars whip past behind the Imperial duck-pilot as he adjusts his maneuvering joystick. EXT. MAGNET FALCON - IN SPACE. The TIME fighter races past the Falcon, firing laser beams as it passes. Buster: Plucky it’s “TIME” to shot them down!
EXT. SPACE – MAGNET FALCON. The victorious Magnet Falcon moves off majestically through space. 191. INT. HURT STAR - CONTROL ROOM. Duck Vader strides into the control room, where Tarplin is watching the huge view screen. A sea of stars is before him. Tarplin: Are they gone?
INT. MAGNET FALCON - COCKPIT. Buster, removes his black gloves and smiling, is at the controls of the ship. Dizzy moves into the aft section to check the damage. Babs is seated near Buster. Buster: Not a bad huh Princess, sometimes I amaze even
myself.
Frustrated, Babs shakes her head. Princess Babs: At least the plans are in Bar-Stool is
still intact.
She angrily turns, and as she starts out of the cockpit, passes Plucky coming in. Princess Babs: Your furry friend is quite a mercenary.
I wonder if he really cares about you...or anyone.
Plucky, shaking his head, sits in the co-pilot seat. He and Buster stare out at the vast blackness of space. Plucky: So...what do you think of her, Buster?
Plucky says it with finality and looks away. Buster smiles at Plucky's jealousy. 193. EXT. SPACE AROUND FOURTH MOON OF YAVIN. The battered pirateship drifts into orbit around the planet Yavin and proceeds to one of its tiny green moons. EXT. SPACE AROUND FOURTH MOON OF DRAIEL. The battered pirateship drifts into orbit around the planet Draiel and proceeds to one of its tiny green moons. EXT. FOURTH MOON OF DRAIEL. The pirateship soars over the dense jungle. EXT. MASSASSI OUTPOST. An alert guard, his laser gun in hand, scans the countryside. He sets the gun down and looks toward the temple, barely visible in the foliage. EXT. MASSASSI OUTPOST - JUNGLE TEMPLE. Rotting in a forest of gargantuan trees, an ancient temple lies shrouded in an eerie mist. The air is heavy with the fantastic cries of unimaginable creatures. Buster, Plucky and the others are greeted by the Rebel troops. Plucky and the group ride into the massive temple on an armored military speeder. INT. MASSASSI - MAIN HANGAR DECK. The military speeder stops in a huge spaceship hangar,
set up in the interior of the crumbling temple. Willard, the commander
of the Rebel forces, rushes up to the group and gives Babs a big hug. Every
one is pleased to see her.
Rebel Commander: Welcome home Princess. Did you bring
anything with you from your voyage?
As Plucky waving to all the people two old bearded men runs up to Babs in fear. Steven: Terrible news, your Highness! Duck Vader is boiling
mad, and now he’s about to destroy the planet of Draidel!
Plucky: Goodbye, people of Draidel!
EXT. SPACE. The surface of the Hurt Star ominously approaches the red planet Draidel. INT. HURT STAR - CONTROL ROOM. Grand Muffin Tarplin and Lord Duck Vader are interrupted in their discussion by the buzz of the comlink. Tarplin moves to answer the call. Tarplin: Yes. HURT STAR INTERCOM VOICE
EXT. DRAIDEL - JUNGLE A lone guard stands in a tower high above the Draidel landscape, surveying the countryside. A mist hangs over the jungle of twisted green. INT. MASSASSI - WAR ROOM BRIEFING AREA. Bugs Bunny stands before a large electronic wall display readout and under it is an Atari logo sine. Babs and several other senators are to one side of the giant. The low-ceilinged room is filled with starpilots, navigators, and a sprinkling of Bar-Stool-type robots. Everyone is listening intently to what Bugs Bunny is saying. Buster and Chewbacon are standing near the back. Bugs: I don’t about this battle with space ships and ray guns… sound like a cheap video game to me. Guys in my days we where pore salt on snails and wacth them melt on the ground and that’s how we win a war. Plucky is sitting next to Fifi Long Tail, a hotshot pilot about with a pink bow. Fifi Long Tail: We’ll never going to win this he’s talking
crazy talk!
INT. MASSASSI OUTPOST - MAIN HANGAR DECK. Plucky, Creep-P-O and little Bar-Stool enter the huge spaceship hangar and hurry along a long line of gleaming spacefighters. Flight crews rush around loading last-minute armaments and unlocking power couplings. In an area isolated from this activity Plucky finds Buster giving Chewbacon Man’s Voice: (over loudspeaker) All flight troops, man
your stations. All flight troops, man your stations… Huh? Hey you just
not be here in…what the…Ouf…stop that!…
Buster is deliberately ignoring the activity of the fighter pilots' preparation. Plucky is quite saddened at the sight of his friend's departure. Plucky: Are you coming Yo-yo?
Plucky goes off and Buster hesitates, then calls to him. Buster: Hey Plucky… May the Joke be with you. INT. MAIN HANGAR DECK - PLUCKY'S SHIP. Plucky, Babs, and Bugs meet under a huge space fighter. Princess Babs: Plucky what’s wrong?
Babs gives Plucky a little kiss, turns, and goes off.
As Plucky heads for his ship.
Aunt’s Voice: Plucky, the Joke will be with you. Plucky is confused at the voice and taps his headphones. EXT. MASSASSI OUTPOST - JUNGLE. All that can be seen of the fortress is a lone guard standing on a small pedestal jutting out above the dense jungle. The muted gruesome crying sounds that naturally permeate this eerie purgatory are overwhelmed by the thundering din of ion rockets as four silver starships catapult from the foliage in a tight formation and disappears into the morning cloud cover. INT. MASSASSI OUTPOST - WAR ROOM. The Babs, Creep-P-O, and a field commander Furball sit quietly before the giant display showing the planet Draidel and its four moons. The red dot that represents the Hurt Star moves ever closer to the system. A series of green dots appear around the fourth moon and a image of Pac-Man eating the dots one at a time. A din of indistinct chatter fills the war room. Massassi Intercom Voice: Stand-by alert. Hurt Star approaching. Estimated time to firing range, fifteen minutes. EXT. SPACE. The Hurt Star slowly moves behind the massive yellow surface of Draidel in the foreground, as many X-wing fighters flying in formation zoom toward us and out of the frame. EXT. SPACE - ANOTHER ANGLE. Light from a distant sun creates an eerie atmospheric glow around a huge planet, Draidel. Rebel fighters flying in formation settle ominously in the foreground and very slowly pull away. INT. RED LEADER STARSHIP - COCKPIT. Red Leader lowers his visor and adjusts his gun sights,
looking to each side at his wing men.
INT. BEG'S COCKPIT. Beg Fox Star: Red 3 hanging on and ready. INT. PLUCKY'S COCKPIT. Plucky: Red 5 hanging on and ready. INT. FIFI'S COCKPIT. Fifi Long Tail: Gosh! Look at the size of that thing! INT. CALAMITY'S COCKPIT. Calamity: (Holding up a Sine) Red 12 chickening out and leaving. EXT. SPACE. The group of X-wing fighters move in formation toward the Hurt Star, unfolding the wings and locking them in the "X" position. As the fighters move closer to the Hurt Star, the awesome size of the gargantuan Imperial fortress is revealed. Half of the deadly space station is in shadow and this area sparkles with thousands of small lights running in thin lines and occasionally grouped in large clusters; somewhat like a city at night as seen from a weather satellite. INT. HURT STAR. Alarm sirens scream as soldiers scramble to large turbo-powered laser gun emplacements. Electronic drivers rotate the huge guns into position as crew adjust their targeting devices. INT. BEG'S COCKPIT - TRAVELING. Beg panics when he discovers a TIME ship on his tail. The horizon in the background twists around as he peels off, hoping to lose the Imperial fighter. INT. FIFI'S COCKPIT. Fifi Long Tail: Beg! You've one on your tail...watch it!
EXT. SPACE AROUND THE HURT STAR. Beg zooms off the surface and into space, closely followed by an Imperial TIME fighter. The TIME ship fires several laserbolts at Beg, but misses. INT. BEG'S COCKPIT - TRAVELING. Beg see the TIME ship behind him and swings around, trying to avoid him. Beg: He's on me tight, I can't shake him...I can't shake him. EXT. SPACE AROUND THE HURT STAR. Beg, flying at high altitude, peels off and dives toward the Hurt Star surface, but he is unable to lose the TIME fighter, who sticks close to his tail. INT. X-WING FIGHTER - COCKPIT - TRAVELING. Plucky is flying upside down. He rotates his ship around to normal attitude as he comes out of his dive. Plucky: Hang in there, Beg, I'm coming in. EXT. SPACE AROUND THE HURT STAR. Beg and the tailing TIME ship dive for the surface, now followed by a fast-gaining Plucky. After Beg dives out of sight, Plucky chases the Imperial fighter. EXT. SURFACE AROUND THE HURT STAR. In the foreground, the Imperial fighter races across the Hurt Star's surface, closely followed by Plucky in the background. INT. PLUCKY'S X-WING FIGHTER - COCKPIT - TRAVELING. There is a shot from Plucky's X-wing of the TIE ship exploding in a mass of flames. Plucky: Got him!
INT. HURT STAR. Hurt Star Com: The enemy is breaking through our defenses,
Sir! They’re using small one-man ships! We never planned on being attacked
by anything that small!
Plucky: (over speaker) Beg, Fifi, let's close it up. We're going in. INT. FIFI'S COCKPIT. The horizon twists as Fifi begins to pull out. Fifi Long Tail: Right with you, Duck. EXT. SPACE AROUND THE HURT STAR. The two X-wings peel off against a background of stars and dive toward the Hurt Star. INT. BEG'S COCKPIT. Beg: Plucky, at that speed will you should we can get out in time? INT. PLUCKY'S X-WING FIGHTER - COCKPIT. Plucky: It'll be just like Faker's Bathroom back home. EXT. SPACE AROUND THE HURT STAR. The three X-wings move in, unleashing a barrage of laserfire. Laserbolts are returned from the Hurt Star. INT. BEG'S COCKPIT. Plucky's lifelong friend struggles with his controls. Beg: We'll stay back far enough to cover your butt. INT. PLUCKY'S COCKPIT. Flak and laserbolts flash outside Plucky's cockpit window. Fifi Long tail: (over headset) My scope shows the big towers, but I can't see the manhole! What make you think we can hit it? EXT. Hurt STAR - GUN EMPLACEMENTS. The Hurt Star laser cannon slowly rotates as it shoots laserbolts. INT. PLUCKY'S X-WING FIGHTER - COCKPIT. Plucky looks around for the Imperial TIME fighters. He thinks for a moment and then moves his targeting device into position. Plucky: Watch it! Increase the speed on your ships! INT. FIFI'S COCKPIT. Fifi looks excitedly about for any sign of the TIME fighters. Fifi Long Tail: What about those big and huge towers? INT. PLUCKY'S X-WING FIGHTER - COCKPIT. Plucky: You worry about them there just models! EXT. HURT STAR SURFACE. Plucky's X-wing streaks through the trench, firing lasers. INT. PLUCKY'S X-WING FIGHTER - COCKPIT. Plucky breaks into a nervous sweat as the laserfire is returned, knicking one of his wings close to the engine. Plucky: (to Bar-Stool) Hey you back there... that stabilizer's broken see if you can fix it! EXT. PLUCKY'S X-WING FIGHTER. Bar-Stool works to repair the damages with Band-Aid. The canyon wall rushes by in the background, making his delicate task seem even more precarious. EXT. HURT STAR. Two laser cannons are firing on the Rebel fighters. INT. FIFI'S COCKPIT. Fifi looks up and sees the TIME ships. INT. PLUCKY'S X-WING FIGHTER - COCKPIT. Plucky's targeting device marks off the distance to the target. EXT. SPACE AROUND THE HURT STAR. Vader and his wingmen zoom closer. INT. DUCK VADER'S COCKPIT. Vader adjusts his controls and fires laserbolts at two X-wings flying down the trench. He scores a direct hit on Fifi. INT. MASSASSI OUTPOST - WAR ROOM. Babs and the others are grouped around the computer board. Fifi Long Tail: (over speaker) I'm hit! I’m sorry but I can't stay with you Plucky. Plucky: (over speaker) Get out of there, Fifi. INT. PLUCKY’S X-WING FIGHTER - COCKPIT. Plucky: Your no good to me dead back there! INT. FIFI'S COCKPIT. Fifi Long Tail: Forgive me guys! EXT. SPACE AROUND THE HURT STAR. Fifi pulls her crippled X-wing back away from the battle. INT. DUCK VADER'S COCKPIT. Vader watches the escape but issues a command to his wingmen. Duck Vader: Let her go! Stay on the leader! EXT. SPACE AROUND THE HURT STAR. Plucky's X-wing speeds down the trench; the three TIME fighters, still in perfect unbroken formation, tail close behind. INT. BEG'S COCKPIT. Beg looks around at the TIME fighters. He is worried. Beg: Hurry it up, Plucky, they're coming in much faster this time. I can't hold them for long! EXT. SPACE AROUND THE HURT STAR. The three TIME fighters move ever closer, closing in on Plucky and Beg. INT. PLUCKY'S X-WING FIGHTER - COCKPIT. Plucky looks back anxiously at little Bar-Stool. Plucky: Bar-Stool, try making this ship go faster! EXT. PLUCKY'S X-WING FIGHTER. Ignoring the bumpy ride, flak, and lasers, Bar-Stool Me-Too struggles to increase the power, his dome turning from side to side. EXT. SPACE AROUND THE HURT STAR. Stealthily, the TIME formation creeps closer. INT. DUCK VADER'S COCKPIT. Vader adjusts his control stick. INT. BEG'S COCKPIT. Beg looks around at the TIME fighters. INT. PLUCKY'S X-WING FIGHTER. Plucky looks into his targeting device. He moves it away for a moment and ponders its use. He looks back into the computer targeter. Beg: (over headset) Hurry up, Plucky! EXT. SPACE AROUND THE HURT STAR. Vader and his wingmen race through the Hurt Star trench. Beg moves in to cover for Plucky, but Vader gains on him. INT. BEG'S COCKPIT. Beg sees the TIME fighter aiming at him. Beg: HURRY! INT. DUCK VADER'S COCKPIT. Vader squeezes the fire button on his controls. INT. BEG'S COCKPIT. Beg's cockpit explodes around him, lighting him in red. EXT. SURFACE OF THE HURT STAR. Beg's ship bursts into a million flaming bits and scatters across the surface. Beg is dead. INT. MASSASSI OUTPOST - WAR ROOM. Babs and Furball stare at the computer board. INT. PLUCKY'S X-WING COCKPIT. Plucky is stunned by Beg's death. His eyes are watering, but his anger is also growing. INT. HURT STAR - CONTROL ROOM. Grand Muffin Tarplin watches the projected target screen with satisfaction and holding his puppet in his hand. Hurt Star Intercom Voice: Rebel base, thirty seconds and closing. INT. DUCK VADER'S COCKPIT. Vader takes aim on Plucky and talks to the wingmen. Duck Vader: I'm on the leader. EXT. SURFACE OF THE HURT STAR - PLUCKY'S SHIP. Plucky's ship streaks through the trench of the Hurt Star. INT. MASSASSI OUTPOST - WAR ROOM. Princess Babs returns her general's worried and doubtful glances with solid, grim determination. Creep-P-O seems nervous. Creep-P-O: Just hang in there , Bar-Stool! INT. PLUCKY'S X-WING - COCKPIT. Plucky is talking to him self as the same time he’s concentrates on his targeting device. Plucky: Here I am the only pilot left who can destroy
the Hurt Star! What can I do?!
EXT. SURFACE OF THE HURT STAR. Plucky's fighter streaks through the trench. INT. DUCK VADER'S COCKPIT. Duck Vader: The Joke is strong with this one! EXT. SURFACE OF THE HURT STAR. Vader follows Plucky's X-wing down the trench. INT. PLUCKY'S X-WING - COCKPIT. Plucky looks to the targeting device, then away as he hears Slappy's voice. Slappy’s Voice: Plucky I was kidding on the covering up part, just trust me on the Joke. Plucky's hand reaches for the control panel and presses the button. The targeting device moves away. INT. MASSASSI OUTPOST - WAR ROOM. Babs and Furball stand watching the projected screen. Base Voice: (over speaker) His computer's off. Plucky, you switched off your targeting computer. What's wrong? Plucky: (over speaker) Nothing. I'm all right I can do this. EXT. SURFACE OF THE HURT STAR. Plucky's ship streaks ever close to the exhaust port. INT. PLUCKY'S X-WING - COCKPIT. Plucky looks at the Hurt Star surface streaking by. EXT. Plucky'S X-WING FIGHTER. Bar-Stool turns his head from side to side. EXT. SURFACE OF THE HURT STAR. The three TIME fighters, manned by Vader and his two wingmen, follow Plucky's X-wing down the trench. 443. INT DUCK VADER'S COCKPIT. Vader maneuvers his controls as he looks at his doomed target. He presses the fire buttons on his control sticks. Laserfire shoots toward Plucky's X-wing fighter. EXT. PLUCKY'S X-WING FIGHTER. A large burst of Vader's laserfire engulfs Bar-Stool. The arms go limp on the smoking little droid as he makes a high-pitched sound. INT. PLUCKY'S X-WING FIGHTER - COCKPIT. Plucky looks frantically back over his shoulder at Bar-Stool. EXT. PLUCKY'S X-WING FIGHTER. Smoke billows out around little Bar-Stool and sparks begin to fly. Plucky: I've lost Bar-Stool! INT. MASSASSI OUTPOST - WAR ROOM. Babs and the others stare intently at the projected screen, while Creep-P-O watches the Princess. Lights representing the Hurt Star and targets glow brightly. MASSASSI INTERCOM VOICE: The Hurt Star has cleared the planet. The Hurt Star has cleared the planet. INT. HURT STAR - CONTROL ROOM. Tarplin glares at the projected target screen. Hurt Star Intercom Voice: Rebel base, in range. Tarplin’s Hand Puppet: You may fire when ready. Hurt Star Intercom Voive: Commence primary ignition. An officer reaches up and pushes buttons on the control panel, as green lighted buttons turn to red. EXT. SURFACE OF THE HURT STAR. The three TIME fighters zoom down the Hurt Star trench in pursuit of Plucky, never breaking formation. INT. PLUCKY'S COCKPIT. Plucky looks anxiously at the exhaust port. INT. DUCK VADER'S COCKPIT. Vader adjusts his control sticks, checking his projected targeting screen. EXT. SURFACE OF THE HURT STAR. Plucly's ship barrels down the trench. 453. INT. HURT VADER'S COCKPIT. Vader's targeting computer swings around into position. Vader takes careful aim on Plucky's X-wing fighter. Duck Vader: I got you now. He pushes the fire buttons. EXT. SURFACE OF THE HURT STAR. The three TIME fighters move in on Plucky. As Vader's center fighter unleashes a volley of laserfire, one of the TIME ships at his side is hit and explodes into flame. The two remaining ships continue to move in. INT. PLUCKY'S X-WING FIGHTER - COCKPIT. Plucky looks about, wondering whose laserfire destroyed Vader's wingman. INT. DUCK VADER'S COCKPIT. Vader is taken by surprise, and looks out from his cockpit. Duck Vader: What the? INT. DUCK VADER'S WINGMAN - COCKPIT. Vader's wingman searches around him trying to locate the unknown attacker. INT. MAGNET FALCON - COCKPIT. Buster and Chewbacon grin from ear to ear. Buster: (yelling) Yahoo! EXT. SPACE AROUND THE HURT STAR. The M Falcon heads right at the two TIME fighters. It's a collision course. INT. WINGMAN'S COCKPIT. The wingman spots the pirateship coming at him and warns the Dark Lord. Wingman: Look out! EXT. HURT STAR TRENCH. Vader's wingman panics at the sight of the oncoming pirate starship and veers radically to one side, colliding with Vader's TIME fighter in the process. Vader's wingman crashes into the side wall of the trench and explodes. Vader's damaged ship spins out of the trench with a damaged wing. EXT. SPACE AROUND THE HURT STAR. Vader's ship spins out of control with a bent solar fin, heading for deep space. INT. DUCK VADER'S COCKPIT. Vader turns round and round in circles as his ship spins into space. EXT. SURFACE OF THE HURT STAR. Buster's ship moves in toward the Hurt Star trench. INT. MAGNET FALCON - COCKPIT. Buster, smiling, speaks to Plucky over his headset mike. Buster: (into mike) You're all clear, duck. INT. MASSASSI OUTPOST - WAR ROOM. Babs and the others listen to Buster's transmission. Buster: (over speaker) Now let's blow this thing and go home! INT. PLUCKY'S X-WING FIGHTER - COCKPIT. Plucky looks up and smiles. He concentrates on the exhaust port, then fires his two cans of Pork’n’Beans torpedoes. EXT. SURFACE OF THE HURT STAR. Plucky's Pork’n’Beans torpedoes shoot toward the port
and seems to simply disappear into the surface and not explode. But the
shots do find their mark and have gone into the exhaust port and are heading
for the main reactor.
INT. PLUCKY'S X-WING FIGHTER - COCKPIT. Plucky throws his head back in relief. INT. HURT STAR. An Imperial soldier runs to the control panel board and pulls the attack lever as the board behind him lights up. Intercom Voice: Stand by to fire at Rebel base. EXT. SPACE AROUND THE HURT STAR. Two X-wings, a Y-wing, and the pirateship race toward Draidel in the distance. INT. HURT STAR. Several Imperial soldiers, flanking a pensive Grand Muffin Tarplin, busily push control levers and buttons. Intercom Voice: Standing by. The rumble of a distant explosion begins. EXT. SPACE AROUND THE HURT STAR. The Rebel ships race out of sight, leaving the moon-like Hurt Star alone against a blanket of stars. Several small flashes appear on the surface. The Hurt Star bursts into a supernova, creating a spectacular heavenly display. 474. INT. MAGNET FALCON - COCKPIT. Buster: Great shot, Plucky. That was one in a million! INT. PLUCKY'S X-WING FIGHTER - COCKPIT. Plucky is at ease, and his eyes are closed. Slappy’s Voice: Remember, the Joke will be with you...always… The ship rocks back and forth. EXT. DUCK VADER'S TIE FIGHTER. Vader's ship spins off into space. EXT. SPACE. The Rebel ships race toward the fourth moon of Draidel. INT: MASSASSI OUTPOST -- MAIN HANGAR. Plucky climbs out of his starship fighter and is cheered by a throng of ground crew and pilots. PLucky climbs down the ladder as they all welcome him with laughter, cheers, and shouting. Princess Babs rushes toward him. Princess Babs: Plucky! Plucky! Plucky! She throws her arms around Plucky and hugs him as they dance round in a circle. Buster runs in toward Plucky and they embrace one another, slapping each other on the back. Buster: (laughing) Hey! Hey! Hey!
Plucky and Buster look at one another, as Buster playfully shoves at Plucky's face. Babs moves in between them. Princess Babs: (laughing) Hey, I knew there was more to you than money. INT. MASSASSI OUTPOST - MAIN THRONE ROOM. Plucky, Buster, and Chewbacon enter the huge ruins of the main temple. Hundreds of troops are lined up in neat rows. Banners are flying and at the far end stands a vision in white, the beautiful young Senator Babs. Plucky and the others solemnly march up the long aisle and kneel before Senator Babs. From one side of the temple marches a shined-up and fully repaired Bar-Stool Me-Too. He waddles up to the group and stands next to an equally pristine See Creep-P-O, who is rather awe-struck by the whole event. Chewbacon is confused. Bugs Bunny and several other dignitaries sit on the left of the Princess Babs. Babs is dressed in a long white dress and is staggeringly beautiful. She rises and places a gold medallion around Buster's neck. He winks at her. She then repeats the ceremony with Plucky, who is moved by the event. They turn and face the assembled troops, who all bow before them. Chewbacon growls. Princess Babs: …and so, in closing, people of Draidel,
I would just like to say that tyranny has at long last been wiped from
the face of the universe, and peace is here! The star wars are over forever!
A sea of tourists rush in to the room taking flash pics and eating corn-dogs and yelling out loud! Tourist #1: Eat your heart out Disney World!
FADE OUT END CREDITS OVER STARS
CREDITS
Written and Made up by
Starring
DR. SCRATCHANSNIFF
Music by
BANANAVISION TECHNIBLACK&WHITE Prints by GLUE Making Films Sound Weird, SHOWME SYSTEM
CAST Plucky Skystalker PLUCKY DUCK
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